One of Netflix’s most popular releases “The Tinder Swindler” is proving that we don’t fully understand the dangers of financial abuse. For those who haven’t seen it, the programme tells the tale of Shimon Hayut (alias Simon Leviev), a con man who posed as the son of a diamond merchant to part unsuspecting women from their hard-earned cash.
The show focuses on his victims and their traumatic stories, but the two-hour documentary hasn’t elicited much sympathy for the three Scandinavian women who were deceived. While some viewers empathise with Cecilie Fjellhøy – who was conned out of £200,000 – and Pernilla Sjoholm – £33,256 – others have slammed the victims for believing Hayut’s lies.
After being manipulated and left penniless, these women bravely shared their stories in hopes it would help others. But as the documentary rose to the top of Netflix’s ratings, the Internet was less than sympathetic. Fjellhøy and Sjoholm have been labelled as “dumb” and “stupid” by Twitter users, despite it being easier to fall for his tricks than one might think.
“It’s enormously difficult to catch a psychopath in the act. They are pathological liars and purposefully deceive people to conceal their modus operandi.”
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Sadly, Hayut’s tactics fall in the category of financial abuse – an aspect of coercive control that works to restrict a victims’ freedom. It states on the Women’s Aid website: “Financial abuse involves a perpetrator using or misusing money which limits and controls their partner’s current and future actions and their freedom of choice. “Financial abuse can leave women without access to their own bank accounts, with no access to any independent income and with debts that have been built up by abusive partners set against their names.”
While people were quick to jump online and say that they would never be in the same position as these women, this might not be the case. Love Island star Amber Gill said she would never part with her money for a man, but jokingly backtracked when she uploaded a video of herself sharing the £50,000 prize with her now ex-boyfriend, Greg O’Shea, in the Love Island finale. There is often a stark contrast between what you think you would do compared to what you would actually do when you are in love.
Proving this point further, psychiatrist professor Renata Schoeman told News24 that Hayut used exploitative tactics to get what he wanted, which the rest of us might not be immune to. Psychopaths don’t let anything stand in their way of pursuing what they want and have no problem with exploiting others. She explained: “It’s enormously difficult to catch a psychopath in the act. They are pathological liars and purposefully deceive people to conceal their modus operandi. They strategically plan their deceitful stories and use their superficial charm to get one addicted, leaving you doubting your valid suspicions and ending up as the victim.”
“Between November 2020 and October 2021, 8,863 cases of romance fraud were reported to the National Fraud Intelligence Bureau in the UK, with a total of £92 million stolen from innocent people.”
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It doesn’t help that scams involving romance are becoming more widespread. Between November 2020 and October 2021, 8,863 cases of romance fraud were reported to the National Fraud Intelligence Bureau in the UK, with a total of £92 million stolen from innocent people who were merely looking for love. Meanwhile, over a third of British women who are in a relationship depend financially on their partner.
To avoid falling victim to the lies and deceptions of psychopaths, you want to look out for people who seem to have superficial charm, a sense of entitlement, and display impulsive and reckless behaviour. They also tactically assess the psychological strengths and weaknesses of people around them in an attempt to manipulate them. Hayut was not just a scumbag and con man, he was a narcissistic psychopath that used very specific techniques to prey on these women.
The story of Hayut isn’t the only one about a scammer on Netflix right now. Another popular series on the streaming service, “Inventing Anna”, is about a high-profile convicted fraudster who created an illusion of extreme wealth. The programme follows the true story of Anna Sorokin who pretended to be a German heiress named Anna Delvey. She defrauded banks, hotels and New York City’s elite out of hundreds of thousands of dollars. While what Hayut and Sorokin did was similar, Hayut’s victims have received more vitriol from viewers, with people going as far as to label them as “gold-diggers” and “opportunists”.
Despite Hayut being arrested by Interpol, he is now a free man after only serving five months of his 15-month sentence. While romance fraud involves a lot of grooming and manipulation, according to the law, he hasn’t committed any crimes because the women willingly handed over their money. The law doesn’t take into consideration that they were severely manipulated into doing so.
“The Tinder Swindler” is the story of a predator who targets the kindness of individuals, and there needs to be harsher sentences for these crimes. While Hayut is out there denying all of these allegations and living a life of luxury – he’s even reportedly now hired an LA agent – the women he defrauded are still paying off their debts.
